When life confronts us, we are all put through the same test:
How much trust we have in our process, how much trust we have in ourselves? -Nansia Movidi
A few weeks ago, I would have never thought that one day I'm gonna let out myself. I would have never imagined telling my story. I would have never tried to figure out who I am and why? I would have never thought so deeply that why should I let it out? I never thought that I would ever have hope. I never thought that I would ever heal again or even try to do so. I never thought I would ever confront my past and accept my present.
I was afraid of losing people, I was scared to open up, I was scared to talk about what I feel, I tried to become cold and not care about anything. I had the insecurities that brought anxiety to me. I was losing my self-worth. The feeling of unloved was worst of all. There was a void that lingered around. I tried so hard to put efforts. I held on to things that I should not have. I drained myself in the process of giving love to the wrong people. I build disappointments for myself. I tried to move on from things but something kept me holding back. Healing got difficult. Some wounds take time to heal since they are penetrated deep inside.
But I just brought it all out in front of me. I sorted it, confronted it. I talked to people about it. I moved towards accepting things instead of just asking why me and feeling low about it. I re-introspected every single event from the past, things that exist in present, and finally taking a step further towards who I want to be. It made my heart feel lighter. I realized that there is hope for love. Hope for happiness. Hope for feeling things again. Hope for healing. Hope for not becoming a slave to my pain.Hope for not living with that insecurity and negativity again.Hope for freedom of choice and being myself.
And now I'm here, learning to embrace and trust the process. The more we can embrace the pain of our lives, the more deeply we will feel the things we all want: love, joy, connexion, and peace. Since feelings are not opposites, but two sides of the same coin. Knowing love is knowing loss, knowing joy is knowing sorrow, knowing connection is knowing loneliness, and knowing peace is knowing conflict.