How will you respond if someone asks are you okay when you're not ? How will you respond if you cannot go out with your friend? How would you respond if you're not allowed to wear what you want to? How will you respond if you're forced to do something that you don't want to? How will you respond if you're controlled by others actions? How will you respond if you're told to move away from your interests? How will you respond when you're constantly told what's right or wrong? In such situations we either tell the truth or we choose to deceive.
Well, deception can be defined as intentionally sending a false message or making a misleading statement to others. We as humans willingly choose deception in many forms that eventually becomes a part of our lives. Cultures in which the needs of the group take precedence over the individual tend to regard morality strictly as a social phenomenon that takes into account the needs and expectations of group members. We tend to pretend so as to avoid criticism, clashes or to avoid certain feelings.We choose to live this illusive dual life. There are several reasons that why we choose to do so like one's cultural-identity provides the lens through which a person thinks and behaves, family values and beliefs, self interests etc. Therefore we experience both: the negative as well as the positive emotions like - stress, fear, comfort, delight, guilt, shame etc.
Wearing short dress is not okay....cross-your legs while you sit...you should be back home by 6pm...this is not how you should talk..lower your voice... good girls do not smoke...late nights are not okay...follow the rules...the norms...
It was always difficult for me to be or rather pretend to be an ideal child at home while on the other side being someone else. The societal factors such as cultural norms and personal interests, avoiding my true self and emotions were my reasons for this deceptive life. I built walls to benefit others or someone’s interests as well as mine, to avoid conflicts, protect others or discredit another person like my parents. In the process I not only created an illusion for others but I also started to move towards the path of becoming a self-oriented deceiver. I created an illusion for who I am, not just with others but with myself and my life ahead. Shutting down the emotions rather than confronting made it worse. I became reluctant towards accepting my present.
To know Peace is to know Conflict....
Theres the thing about deception it brings the feeling of comfort and delight. Rather than telling the truth or accepting the truth we choose to deceive it.But at the same time it starts to built stress, fear, and even guilt. It became difficult to communicate with parents and the past made me create an illusion of the present. It's not always possible to value social relationships over individuality.It's not always possible to live life according to other and it becomes important to break certain barriers.Since the emergence of the positive emotion i.e comfort and delight also brings an negative emotion, it's important to break free or balance it to move away from the path of self-oriented as well as other-oriented deception and keep on figuring out ways to communicate and make people understand who matters in order to create a self-oriented life.
It's important to be true to who you are and what you want to be or do. It's important to be true to yourself, your emotions and your own interests. Somewhere I want my parents to know, accept and understand that I'll be happy doing thing that I want to rather than doing and hiding then hiding from them.
Self Portrait :
*To be edited further by incorporating some effects.The transformation did not take place due to lack of resources.
Song: Pretty Girl by Maggie Lindemann
Lyrics:
I can swear, I can joke I say what's on my mind If I drink, if I smoke I keep up with the guys And you see me holding up my middle finger to the world Fuck your ribbons and your pearls 'Cause I'm not just a pretty girl
I'm more than just a picture I'm a daughter and a sister Sometimes it's hard for me to show That I'm more than just a rumor Or a song on your computer There's more to me than people know
Some days I'm broke, some days I'm rich Some days I'm nice, some days I can be a bitch Some days I'm strong, some days I quit I don't let it show, but I've been through some shit.