The journey of self-discovery unfolds through a series of events that force us to examine our thoughts, choices and actions. Not all of them as pleasant as we would have liked but crucial to our evolution. - Nansia Movidi
No emotion is ever permanent, but each one serves a purpose. “Each has been sent as a guide from beyond,” so we should learn to sit with each emotion and ask why it is present. After a very long time, I finally asked myself: How long do I need to hold this pain inside me? What's stopping me from releasing it? Why is it still hurting so much? Why can't I just let it go ? Well after a lot of time spending in self-introspection I realised I have had kept so much inside me specially the emotions that brings pain to me that sometimes I can't even breath. I feel trapped within my own self. It's the past that hurts. It's unresolved. It's overwhelming. it brings anxiety to me. I feel chocked.
Many a times I tried to move on. I tried not to live with it. I held on to it. I have carried that burden everyday inside me. I stopped expressing. I lived with those memories.I became a hoarder of such memories. I tried to shut my emotions. I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to escape. I punished myself everyday. I kept blaming myself. I kept on believing that it was my fault. The regret kept on building every single time when my past triggered in its various forms. I also thought that reliving those moments inside me would make me strong instead it was making me weak. I was running from my own self. I attached myself to the pain. I defined myself with it.
Pain Demands To Be Felt. - John Green
But now it became important for me to realise that I just can't escape it.I need to face and deal with it. It became important for me to open up.It was important for me to do so for myself. It's not about forgetting what happened but it was important for me to accept it. Not accepting and acknowledging what happened was eating me up every single day. Since pain demands to be felt and so does every other emotion, it's important to feel it, acknowledge it, accept it, and finally let go.
I don't know how much time it would actually take, but I know that finally I'm allowing myself to let it out in order to feel it as well as accept so that I'm able to release it. I used shadows and wall as projecting medium with the help of photoshop and also sounds/noises. In this expression I tried to put out those moments of past that lives inside me, from where it all started.Moments that broke me. The toxic relationship that made me loose myself. Moments that haunts me, things that I could have never talked about, moments that I trapped inside me.
"To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be.When we let be with compassion, things come and go in their own." Jack Kornfield
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